June 30, 2005
- I was always under the impression that the worst mistake in the human race was Courtney Love. According to author Jared Diamond, it is the adoption of agriculture.
- Fishermen in northern Thailand have caught the biggest catfish on record; a 646-pound monster. This story would have been more amazing if they noodled the son of a bitch.
- A man was discovered in a tank under a women's toilet filled with human waste peeping up at the girls doing their business. That is what I call a serious commitment to your wank.
Labels: books, link goodness, perversion, science
June 28, 2005
How To Throw A No-No While Tripping Balls
A great story
about Dock Ellis, the Major League pitcher who threw a no-hitter on acid. I miss the good old days of professional baseball when hurlers high on amphetamines would put one in your ear-hole just for stepping into the batters box.
It's such an important aspect of the game [hitting a batsmen]. All hitters know they're gonna get hit. They just don't know when. The kicker for the truly good hitters is, you cannot hit me as many times as I'm gonna hit you. They take that hit to get six hits. But you gotta pop their ass so you can get an 0 for 4 on them one day. Don't get cocky now, motherfucker. The challenge is on. So let's get it on. Other guys might explain it differently, have different reasons, but that was mine. Right about the time I left, it changed. You can't throw at anyone without getting thrown out of the game. The announcers today say it ruins the game. They never talk about the fights that Cincinnati and St. Louis got into 30 years ago. Barry Bonds? I'd hit him at least once a game. 'Cause he's got all that shit on. Yeah, let's see that shit stop the ball from hurting him if I hit him on the motherfucking elbow or something. I'd hit him just to see, does it work?
Labels: drugs, sports
June 26, 2005
Highlights from my past two weeks of travel:
- At the HOW Design Conference, I learned some new tricks, saw some awesome design work and ate deep-dish pizza and drank numerous beers with friend/former coworker Michael. I cannot wait to get back to work with renewed creative enthusiasm only to have it crushed in a matter of seconds when I am given four pages of copy and told to "make it work" on a one-sided direct mail postcard.
- Caught a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. The future wife and I soon discovered that our alcohol tolerance is much higher in the Midwest that at altitude. I spent the entire game covered in sweat due to high humidity and a broken air conditioner on the El-Train ride out to the game that waspacked butts to nuts.
- Visited the Art institute of Chicago and saw some amazing work (Picasso, an orgy of impressionism) and some atrocious work (minimalism and American Gothic). Best quote while looking at the Georgia O'Keeffe collection: "She is very vaginal."
- The future wife and I took a beautiful sunset architectural tour of Chicago.
- Visited future in-laws in Eugene, Oregon. I found out that Eugene is almost identical to Boulder, minus the sex assaults, random rioting and the Flat Irons.
- Animal House was filmed at the University of Oregon so the future wife's cousin took us on the Animal House tour at U of O, showing us the infamous frat house (currently vacant) and the cafeteria where the food fight scene took place.
- Drove up the Oregon coast on Highway 101 that is incredible for scenery, shitty for traffic and great for fried seafood joints.
- Spent three days in Long Beach, Washington in the heart of Lewis and Clark Country. We did the tours of various Lewis and Clark outposts, forts and landings, learned that the proper pronunciation of Sacagawea is Sa-caca-we-ah and ate a cut of fresh fish the size of our heads in Oysterville, Washington.
- The closest I got to the ocean was dipping my feet in the 42-degree water. The oceans surrounding the Columbia River are some of the roughest and most treacherous in the world. Mix that in with the fact they are as cold as an Eskimo's vagina so swimming is not ideal (unless you are white trash parents laying out on towels "watching the kids play in the water" while smoking cigarettes).
After months of procrastination and toil, I finally got Broz Design
Labels: art, broz design, career, data slaughterhouse, how design, pop culture, sports, travels, vajayjay, wife
June 11, 2005
In a few short hours, I will be on a plane headed for Chicago
and the 2005 HOW Design Conference
. Once the conference concludes, the future wife and I will be hanging around the Windy City
for a few days. We will be back in Denver
next Thursday only to leave for Oregon
the following Saturday to visit with our in-laws for the week. Posting will be minimal to none on the MB during this time. If you start going through withdrawals consider Jake
, Boing Boing
your methadone. Especially Fleshbot
. They have dirty pictures and stuff.
Labels: /mark, career, data slaughterhouse, denver, how design, jake, travels
June 10, 2005
It Is Cool To Pee Your Pants
From the saga of Baby Man
I am incontinent now. I never know when it's going to strike. It's to the point now where if I didn't wear diapers, I wouldn't have the time to get to a bathroom. I wouldn't trust myself anymore without the diapers.
Labels: perversion, poop
June 08, 2005
- An image bank of celebrities playing table tennis. My personal favorite is Mr. Ed wielding the paddle.
- It is raining men. Hallelujah.
- If you gave someone crabs and need to let them know send an eCard. There is nothing like getting notified via email that you have gonorrhea. My favorite feature is the ability to send one card to multiple addresses (a.k.a. the "slut blast"). I am tempted to send an email to my entire contact list informing them that I gave them herpes and signing it Ron Mexico.
Labels: death, link goodness, pop culture, sex
June 03, 2005
- All you ever wanted to know about Trucker Bombs (with helpful imagery of assorted gallon containers brimming with piss).
- A high school baseball coach resigns after whipping out his cock and asking his players if they had one. I side with the coach on this one as his lesson would have been far less memorable without the visual aid.
- Woodward's story on how Mark Felt became Deep Throat and the reactions of various figures of Nixon's White House.
Labels: link goodness, politics, sports, tomfoolery
June 01, 2005
A Winning Combination
Off color racial jokes, lesbians, a spoof on gay marriage and topless blondes; now that
is what I call a training video.
Labels: lesbians, sports
Matt Brozovich started this blog in 2002 as a creative outlet to overcome the crushing boredom of working as a web designer in the cubicle wasteland known as corporate America. More »